WHAT WOULD I SAY TO ME 6 YEARS AGO?
Six years down the line i realised all the mistake’s i had made, all the bad choices the level of thinking and lack of confidence.not knowing that i should have just stayed in my lane and not rush to grow up not really realising that they is a real big world out there and thing wont be the same environment would change the comfort of my pink walls with posters of my Fav singers. not realising the protection i had i took it for grunted i just wanted to be a big girl!!! with all that here is a sneak peek of my reality.
With all the things they pardon and say to me you never knew any better!
But now she was siting with the consequences the ‘mess’
“Trust me” she says they always is a mess no matter how innocent the situation may have been. It is just one of the lessons of life, Something we can never ran away from, it always catches up with you. And so she asked herself, am i allowed to be this upset? am i still being inconsiderate, do we not acknowledge the other persons emotinos.are we still wrong then for wanting to cry and be vulnerable? we say communication is everything and when you let people inn they try to fix you or care for you.As it was once said “everyone wants to be heard” I thought if we specified how we would want that person to react it would be easier for them,we indicate that you just looking for emotional support because that person knows you and would remind you how much of an amazing person you are, you where hoping that person would jog your memory and remind you that your sacrifices are worth-while.And tell you that you not crazy or depressed!Your not asking for a solution you just need to hear a voice other than your own.should i still feel guilty for that?
In the end you feel nothing for yourself, just another girl with fucked up daddy issues because our daddy’s never took care of their mess.But the girl holds no bitterness to her dady,she bashes herself for her situation her tears, her outcome of life..Silently she’s asking for help how does she deal with her emotions with out it casing conflict in the home she calls her own.She finds it no-ones responsiblity but her own could we not pardon her for her aggressive approach maybe shes just upset, don’t fight her she just wants to cry for a bit and be right as rain in a few. dont fight her! question it if you may,help her get through it emotionally.
And so we try to find out why this happens, how do you know when your fighting for something that is not fit for you , and so we wonder what makes anything.And is they anything wrong with excepting all of a sudden i feel all of these things that are wrong and i don’t know how to do with it im confused and wonder im i just going off what i was advised?thing is i have no problem respecting i think…but to what extent will you take it too.will you attack me for the small things i guess i have to find out .the thing that makes me drought my thoughts is that i really dont want to do without you , i find no one else attractive but feel you can be so normal at times so bland and it irritates me. you bitterness wants to make me cry sometimes,
And they also the fear of taking another leap i would be stupid to do so wouldnt i?MAYBE HIS RIGHT maybe i don’t know a good thing when i got it.. some women long for this.this is what i wanted so now that im not getting things my way i start to second guess everything..your words just keep playing in my mind to a point where a sorry would make it all better but i would never get that from you , and i fail to communicate that with you because you might just take me apart,, not even a sorry for the words you so head strong that you meant every word and feel you will stand by it, im not looking to shuck you but you are the ultimate example of dont crack ,, i used to be like that too you know,
people don’t just cry by them selves , they dont just feel sad for nothing if nothing is hurting them,,,i want to turn off and not care ,i dont want to feel as though i am the only one here ,, i may not pay bills,or have the roll you have , but i would like to belive i am a way better person ,, i want to be mad at you i want you to do something wrong and feel what it feels like to be torn apart and to be confused ,
but then again this might be a lash out at the fact that we sitting home on a weekend watching sport , but then again money does not grow on trees i still want to do shopping for the home tommor.even if i stay , the longer i stay the more i lose myself ,, but im afraid to face the world even though im alone , im not good at anything.