Day by day i cant help but feel like my soul is searching, i am constantly feeling overwhelmed, sadness flooded with feelings of anxiety and depression,all the time the events of my life keep playing over and over in my mind, constantly reminding me of all the things i have not done yet. i cant help but feel like my life is complicated,It feels like my life is being divided in two.I never really want to talk about most of my emotions to my partner because he might just not be so open to seeing me self distract.
Over and over we have spoken about our plans and on top of all my emotions i have to set them aside because i need to be able to give the vision my utmost undivided attention and faith, i try to explain to my partner that i suffer from slight depression just don’t think he realize how serious i am, i try and be strong and pull my wight preform my roll and not allow this defeated emotion to stand in my way,i also don’t want to come across as over bearing! Shame the poor man has so much to deal with already, with his new app coming out soon i feel like it would be the worst of me to try to poor out myself to him and besides, i always snap out of my coil of slight depression after iv worked it through with myself.
My emotions get me so sick to the gut,throwing-up is defiantly an option, i am not afraid of being depressed i am more curious of the time passing me by. i am so young in it all and am afraid i might just fuck up again and this time it wont be so simple to slip away and not give a dam!This time they is so much weighing on my side that could just get me down for a very long time.(I DON’T WISH THAT )
I had told myself that i wanted this blog to be somewhat inspirational and not a DEAR DIARY vent`but i’m sure this is how some of you might feel.i am stopped in my tracks because i do not want this to be about me, i might just end up saying to much and dig myself deeper into a coil of miserableness. eventually we all snap out of this ugly place.
All i can think about now is a (on the rock’s) Wiskey from my partners bar!!!kikiki helps me everytime!!i hope he wont mind..one or two will do the trick along with positive thoughts and maybe if i’m there yet a good melody to really seal the lid on this unsealable jar of crazyness.
until next time, my constant compainion